Sir Tanoy

i remember back in highschool, we had a technology class. TECHNOLOGY. wow. but it's far from all these hi-tech innovations. it was more of carpentry 101. we never dealt with circuits, chips or whatnots, instead we were made to handle wood, saw and metal sheets. i particularly remember one activity. we were tasked to make a metal box out of a thin sheet of metal. we were to use a soldering iron.

DISASTER.

i left the room that day with puffy eyes and burnt hands. i had multiple burns on both hands, product of either soldering into my hands rather than on the metal sheet,others accidentally dropping the soldering iron on my hand or stupid me grabbing the hot portion of the iron whenever i'd borrow from others. it was a stupid series of unfortunate events (pelikula) and it even felt as though the different dimensions of this world were conniving.

whenever i remember that event, i still can't help but wonder why the hell was i so stupid and clumsy then. everybody else seemed to leave class that day unscathed. daw ginsalo ko ya tanan nga pina sang world.

subong, daw feeling ko gatech class naman ko every now and then. i keep on asking myself why the hell do i keep on getting badly bruised, scarred or wounded. well, the reasons are pretty clear to see. It's because i'm stupid, it's because i'm clumsy, it's because i'm reckless.

I guess i need a real life SIR TANOY (our tech professor).

if having a grip at ones' senses was only as easy as grasping both arms. i admit i don't really have a sound sense of self-control and everyday it seems like i keep falling into cliches that i could easily recognize but would just put a blind eye on.

dalming, permi gakadalman, OA na gni.

perhaps it's because i've always equated being happy with being appreciated. that's probably why i have so much affinity over having that someone who adores me. but i've never really found one yet for those that i've met are just losers with smooth tongues. and then there are those who probably had the best of intentions, who perhaps really felt deeply about me and who could truly love me with every fiber of their being but then i'm really just irrational like so. i get annoyed at those who show too much interest. it irritates me when somebody's too persistent. i know it's senseless, but i don't know, i guess i'm just tailored that way.

But perhaps i need to do something about that soon. maybe so..