2010! dan dan dan dan!!!!

or tan tan tan tan? (basta it's the sound you hear bala kung daw ginaset ang atmosphere sa "abangan" nga effect.. basta ah..)

i've been sick the past few days and i've already succumbed to the idea that yes, it is probably just due to stress. it was hard for me to accept that i've become vulnerable as such since i've pretty much spent the last 22 years being perfectly healthy.but i guess being in a a state of pure physical eustress for 4 months left me unprepared or unable to cope with hospital life and everything that came with it.

having spent the last 5 days dancing to my body's out of synch rhythm, i had much time to spend on contemplating on how i could make my self better and make the effect last. i thought of exercising again. but honestly, i don't want to go back to the gym anymore, if it's going to be just taebo then i'm up for it but i'd rather slit my wrist than do 3 set, 15 reps of bench presses with 8lb dumbbells on each hand again. wha! anyway i thought of swimming again, and maybe i will. (TING TING TING!)

task no.1: swim!

then i thought that maybe i could join wellness programs. YOGA. naks, ambisyosa. but whe! gusto ko ya bi magtry, walang basagan ng trip. LOL i thought of being a vegetarian, i thought. thinking is healthy. =)

anyway i searched online for a yoga program offered here in Iloilo. Then i came to learn about Kasanag Well-being Center. Really familiar, after minutes of brainstorming then finally retreating to tracking it down in google maps. (I'm not good with streets so even though the address was written at its website, i had the vaguest of ideas where it was.)

HA! and well the reason that it was so familiar was because i pass by it on my way to work. ooooh, jalandoni st. na toh gali. nice to know.

the center offers ehrm well-being services similar to that of a spa but what sets them apart is their strong filipino concept. They boast of their famous hilot and tea package, wherein you get the whole enchilada of banana leaves, panghinguto(kuto=lice) massage, foot soak, etc etc etc and capped off by a soothing serving of ginger tea. But what really caught my attention was their self-empowerment workshops, they had stress management, life-coaching, image enhancement, theater therapy programs to name a few. and they also have a yoga program! but i don't know how to up-to-date their website is. knowing the shelf-life of establishments and services that aren't popular to the ilonggos' taste, they might've already retreated into just offering basic spa services so i guess i need to check out the place itself and make usiza. (TING TING TING!)

task no. 2: find the light at kasanag!

so, as i was searching for other basic stuffs about kasanag, i.e. price quote, i came upon a food blog. oh, make that food blogs! my mouth watered as i hyperventilated upon the sight of food and beverages! and so, (TING TING TING!)

task no. 3: book latte

i was drawn more by the book part. honestly. book latte is a library cafe, they do offer book rentals to members. they have really nice selections such as the diary of a wimpy kid and eat, pray and love to name a few. of course not to forget that it's a cafe, they offer mouth watering hot and iced coffee, frappes, shakes, teas. their butterfinger latte is on top of my to-try list! and a big fan of sweets, i'm excited to try their liquor-infused cakes. lemon tequilla cake sounds awesome! on my next off, i'll surely be at a table at book latte.

task no. 4: buffet at promenade.

http://kirarasmonde.wordpress.com/2010/10/19/part_two/

i don't need to explain. i know. =)

i'll probably be adding more as i go through some more ideas on how to ehrrmmm...make....myself...better... hmmm...

wala! wala! wala! walaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ko labot!

indi ko magpaapekto..

indi ko magpaapekto..!

indi ko magpaapekto!

INDIIIIIIIIIIIIII ko magpaapekto!

kay ano gid ya labot mo aw?!(note to self)

sheeeesh! kalmaerts..

dapat man gid ya wala ko labot. dapat magets ko na nga there was nothing to it. nga delusion ko lang toh tanan, and ginblow up ko lang toh tanan amu na amu ni subong. permi ko lang ginahambal sa self ko nga indi nila maintsindihan tanan kay wala sila kabalo sang gin-agyan ko, wala sila kabalo sang tanan nga natabo. pero basi saktoh man gid sila, kag ako ang in denial. In denial sa kung ano kaminute atoh, ini tanan.

and this is already way beyond pathetic.

dugay-dugay na gid na imu ya. OA na. crap, una pa sya! what's your problem aw? and you always refuse to open yourself up to other people. crap, you even avoid interaction? not ready?! why? is your state so comfortable nga indi ka na da maghalin? mas hapos maging tanga? what are you really waiting for?!

natak-an na gid ko sini. pati ako natak-an na sa lawas ko. tama na, indi na ko. OK?

lapit na lang..

bear it out, bear it out..

tomorrow it'll be okay..

bear it out, bear it out..

soon it'll be over..

bear it out, bear it out..

you are strong..

bear it out, bear it out..

the world doesn't need to end here..

bear it out, bear it out..

there's so much more to life..

bear it out, bear it out..

stop putting up with your own sorry excuses..

bear it out, bear it out..

you don't have to blame yourself either..

bear it out, bear it out..

if you just can't help it, then you just need to forgive yourself..

bear it out, bear it out..

walk fast, move fast..

bear it out, bear it out..

stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking..

bear it out, bear it out..

it will pass..

bear it out, bear it out..

and they don't even need to know..

bear it out.

bear it.

out.

July 4, 2008

i used to run another blog a few years back, something that I've never really shared with any of my friends. Link will never be disclosed.. hehe I was skimming through it a while ago and look what i found.

Daw ka insignificant gid ni nga event nga wala ko man sya nadumduman kung wala ko ni nabasa. Palataw-an gid ko gali sa mga school girl crush ko sang una.. And my gahd, nacrushan ko xa gali! hahaha talaw-an.. =P (wala gid ni na edit so kung buki ang words pasenxa.. hahaha!)

iam weak, you see?

For more than three years, i've been fighting the urge to recognize that this groupmate of mine is cute. haha!! but today i failed.. tsk3..
yes.. a disappointing day for my neurons. the same day when i felt like stricken with pneumonia for some reason. indeed, the pouring skies couldn't have warned me better. there i was sitting behind him, noticing his beautifully carved nose, chinky eyes, lean yet slightly muscular physique and candle fingers. before it got out of hand, i stopped myself by diverting my attention into asking a friend something about our project. wrong move, for my question led me into being refered to him. and before i knew it, there i was again, foolishly smiling at him fighting every creeping awkwardness i knew would strangle me if i gave in to even just a single second of enjoying the short exchange of what and who nonsense with him. it was brief yet it left a lingering consciousness. it smelled it in him too. is this victory? (sssshhh!!! kahuluya! kung may kakilala sa iya hipos! haha) did he somehow react to what i was trying not to send? and then he did the unexpected. he asked for my number. my heart leaped and stumbled for right away he clarified that he only wanted to text me about my query. an information he left at home. i gave my number.
it was getting out of hand and so i left and senselessly wandered around the 4metersquared lobby until i reached the awful smelling CR where i intoxicated myself away from getting swayed by him, with the smell of ammonia.
it all happened in less than 10 minutes.

Sir Tanoy

i remember back in highschool, we had a technology class. TECHNOLOGY. wow. but it's far from all these hi-tech innovations. it was more of carpentry 101. we never dealt with circuits, chips or whatnots, instead we were made to handle wood, saw and metal sheets. i particularly remember one activity. we were tasked to make a metal box out of a thin sheet of metal. we were to use a soldering iron.

DISASTER.

i left the room that day with puffy eyes and burnt hands. i had multiple burns on both hands, product of either soldering into my hands rather than on the metal sheet,others accidentally dropping the soldering iron on my hand or stupid me grabbing the hot portion of the iron whenever i'd borrow from others. it was a stupid series of unfortunate events (pelikula) and it even felt as though the different dimensions of this world were conniving.

whenever i remember that event, i still can't help but wonder why the hell was i so stupid and clumsy then. everybody else seemed to leave class that day unscathed. daw ginsalo ko ya tanan nga pina sang world.

subong, daw feeling ko gatech class naman ko every now and then. i keep on asking myself why the hell do i keep on getting badly bruised, scarred or wounded. well, the reasons are pretty clear to see. It's because i'm stupid, it's because i'm clumsy, it's because i'm reckless.

I guess i need a real life SIR TANOY (our tech professor).

if having a grip at ones' senses was only as easy as grasping both arms. i admit i don't really have a sound sense of self-control and everyday it seems like i keep falling into cliches that i could easily recognize but would just put a blind eye on.

dalming, permi gakadalman, OA na gni.

perhaps it's because i've always equated being happy with being appreciated. that's probably why i have so much affinity over having that someone who adores me. but i've never really found one yet for those that i've met are just losers with smooth tongues. and then there are those who probably had the best of intentions, who perhaps really felt deeply about me and who could truly love me with every fiber of their being but then i'm really just irrational like so. i get annoyed at those who show too much interest. it irritates me when somebody's too persistent. i know it's senseless, but i don't know, i guess i'm just tailored that way.

But perhaps i need to do something about that soon. maybe so..

quicksand

i wanna cry so hard it will just stop hurting.

i wanna cry so hard my memory will just become a blank slate.

i wanna cry so hard the world will begin to understand my pain.

i wanna cry so hard the night will cease to exist.

i wanna cry so hard nobody will ever leave me.

i wanna cry so hard this skin will peel itself off that it'll offset everything else i'm feeling.

i wanna cry so hard it shall undo the past.

i wanna cry so hard the clouds wouldn't dare cross my path again.

i wanna cry so hard it'll make me and force me to understand.

i wanna cry so hard i'll forever be numb.

i wanna cry so hard i'll never be dumb.

i wanna cry so hard i'll function again.

i wanna cry so hard i'll be setting off to a new dimension where you are but a speck of dust.

i wanna cry so hard i wouldn't know how to cry anymore.

i wanna cry so hard i'd forget why i'm crying.

i wanna cry so hard i would stop breathing,

my heart would stop beating,

brain activity ceasing.

i give up.

at bakit ka nakasmile iha???

kag indi ko gid xa ya mapunggan.. :)

kastupid panumdumon nga tungod lang ni sa isa kaupdate sa facebook. update nga nag-add xa friends. LOL but i don't care about his friends, it's not about that. it's just that he will always be that person who could easily make me feel giddy inside maski mere mention of his name lang na.

i have a long-standing school girl crush on a reviewer we had for our NLE review (reviewer.....review.....duh!). and up until now, when my only connection with him is FB, i still get smitten by the simple thought of him. he's not all that on the looks department, mind you but his charisma weakens my knees and any given day i will agree to marry him sa maski diin nga simbahan (naks, agree lang ya eh.. wala ginbutang nga marry gid ya, ma-agree lang ko anay.. LOL).

people say that he's gay and i almost believed so. but basi di man, because he had a girlfriend a few months back. ok, so now you will probably retaliate nga amu na gni nagbreak sila kay agi siya! indi.. from what i've read, the girl decided on it first. Siya lang nag-implement pero subong seems like their on the process of getting back together. As evidenced by his profile pic nga duwa sila. But still his status says single. (shet, obvious nga chismosa ko nga stalker? hmmm... let me correct that, "chismosa nga admirer" kay hambal sang officemate ko before and difference sang stalker kag admirer is that ginatawag mo nga admirer ang tawo kung kaaya-aya man sya, stalker naman kung chakaness.. o db! gaskyrocket ang self-esteem!)

bottomline: ano man matabo, agi ka man or indi, si mark herras man or si joross gamboa kamukha mo, si C*******e man or ako ang madayunan mo sa ulihi(ambisyon 101!), you will always have a special place in my heart and i will always have a sweet smile for you, my kiko..

(shots, shots, shots, shots! everybody! hahahahahaha!)

camera-camera-camera

I posted a few weeks back about my daydreaming habit. and i just found myself conjuring up a whole new bunch of stories all focusing on a single person. this one's a real person though. i went to college with him, he's a year older and we used to call him mr. library----we first laid eyes on him in our school library. (me and my friend nikki are really good in making up names for people we don't really know, there's mr. pescar, mr. carpenter, fried egg, anime, baby med, and the list goes on. ). so for the benefit of this blog i shall him mr. library still.

I wasn't the one who had a crush on mr. library although i'd have to say he's really appealing, kind of quiet and mysterious actually. anyway! i stumbled on his blog a few days back (hala, obvious aw.. charitess kung kilala mo na.. no names please! haha) i skimmed through it and well, i just found myself thinking about him being my boyfriend. i did so while i was taking a bath, as i was preparing to get out of the house, until i reached don benito and waited for 40 minutes for my shark friend. and every now and then, i still do.

this is humiliating!

i thought about how we would pose for pictures when i'd accompany him on his backpacking journeys (obvious na gid to the next level!) or how i would wait up for him in sm with a pint of ice cream as a welcome treat after a tiring escapade wherever. a lot more pa gid actually pero daw feeling ko kahuluya na gid ni ang ginaubra ko nga pagshare teh tama na ni goro.. hahahah

creative man lng gid ya goro utok ko kag basi mapuslan ko ni kung maging screenwriter na lang ko.

pero subong daydream lang anay kay daw ga-enjoy man ko..

P.S. indi nya man ni mabasahan ang blog nga ni, daku ang pagsalig ko dira.. pero please don't go to the extent nga iinform nyo gid sya noh, maluoy kamu friends..

basi iregret ko ni sa future, pero pwede ko man ni goro macover-up nga compulsive liar lang gid ko ya kag indi ni TUOD! =P