papaliguan kita ng halik at luha araw-araw beybe

i was going through my profile pics a while ago. damu damu na gali. first one was uploaded on june 8, 2008, and since then i've uploaded 69 more bringing it to a total of 70 profile pictures! congratulations!

interesting cause i actually found myself sorting out those pictures into happy and sad. don't know which bin contained more pictures when i was done. i'm betting on sad. habit ko na na nga gapost ko pics to cover up for something tragic (for lack of a better word).

when john was still here in iloilo kag sya toh ang permi ko nabutong whenever i'd feel depressed, didto lang ko naging fully aware sa habit ko nga post-post-post nga daw masadya para mapakita mo sa THE TAWO nga you're fine without him/her. apparently common habit na na sang kadalam-an. ikaw? have you ever tried that? u post happy songs, status updates nga "having a great time with my gals!" or kuha damudamu nga pics when you're out with friends tas upload daun cause you want to shove it in THE TAWO's face nga "hey lookie, i'm doing great without you!"

used to do that a lot. and it felt like twas a stupid series of balusanay sang happy posts. and then i realized that with that though you get a moment of bliss, it doesn't last. and abruptly it ends.

seems like i've tried everything though, once upon a time i just threw all my pretentions out the window and started to speak bout what i really felt. ambot, probably in a few months i'd get to say that it helped. that it was part of the process but one things for sure after i just felt like shit even more. i don't what happened since then, i guess i just stuck it out with whatever it was that was there because i didn't really have a choice, did i? and now i'm here sa daw seemingly crossroad. seemingly kay di man ko kabalo kung nu napilian ko. teh kung ara ang duwa ka dalan dapat gid mag-agi da haw?? indi pwede magtiid-tiid sa ground in between anay while di ka pa kabalo? pwede man na da gro agyan. pwede man ako na lang masemento sang dalan nga na. aba, rich ka ne? mangsemento ka pa ya. bongga ang spare time?

eeeh ano gani point ko ah? anyway pwede ko gro maglakat2 sa tunga sang duwa ka dalan kag magkeber na lang sa world para malipat sang tanan kag pabay-an ko na lang ang mga tiil ko nga mgdala sakon pakadto sa kung diin man ga dalan.

basta galakat ah.. anywhere but here..

and to keep walking (away), i must learn to be numb and stay numb..