July 4, 2008

i used to run another blog a few years back, something that I've never really shared with any of my friends. Link will never be disclosed.. hehe I was skimming through it a while ago and look what i found.

Daw ka insignificant gid ni nga event nga wala ko man sya nadumduman kung wala ko ni nabasa. Palataw-an gid ko gali sa mga school girl crush ko sang una.. And my gahd, nacrushan ko xa gali! hahaha talaw-an.. =P (wala gid ni na edit so kung buki ang words pasenxa.. hahaha!)

iam weak, you see?

For more than three years, i've been fighting the urge to recognize that this groupmate of mine is cute. haha!! but today i failed.. tsk3..
yes.. a disappointing day for my neurons. the same day when i felt like stricken with pneumonia for some reason. indeed, the pouring skies couldn't have warned me better. there i was sitting behind him, noticing his beautifully carved nose, chinky eyes, lean yet slightly muscular physique and candle fingers. before it got out of hand, i stopped myself by diverting my attention into asking a friend something about our project. wrong move, for my question led me into being refered to him. and before i knew it, there i was again, foolishly smiling at him fighting every creeping awkwardness i knew would strangle me if i gave in to even just a single second of enjoying the short exchange of what and who nonsense with him. it was brief yet it left a lingering consciousness. it smelled it in him too. is this victory? (sssshhh!!! kahuluya! kung may kakilala sa iya hipos! haha) did he somehow react to what i was trying not to send? and then he did the unexpected. he asked for my number. my heart leaped and stumbled for right away he clarified that he only wanted to text me about my query. an information he left at home. i gave my number.
it was getting out of hand and so i left and senselessly wandered around the 4metersquared lobby until i reached the awful smelling CR where i intoxicated myself away from getting swayed by him, with the smell of ammonia.
it all happened in less than 10 minutes.

Sir Tanoy

i remember back in highschool, we had a technology class. TECHNOLOGY. wow. but it's far from all these hi-tech innovations. it was more of carpentry 101. we never dealt with circuits, chips or whatnots, instead we were made to handle wood, saw and metal sheets. i particularly remember one activity. we were tasked to make a metal box out of a thin sheet of metal. we were to use a soldering iron.

DISASTER.

i left the room that day with puffy eyes and burnt hands. i had multiple burns on both hands, product of either soldering into my hands rather than on the metal sheet,others accidentally dropping the soldering iron on my hand or stupid me grabbing the hot portion of the iron whenever i'd borrow from others. it was a stupid series of unfortunate events (pelikula) and it even felt as though the different dimensions of this world were conniving.

whenever i remember that event, i still can't help but wonder why the hell was i so stupid and clumsy then. everybody else seemed to leave class that day unscathed. daw ginsalo ko ya tanan nga pina sang world.

subong, daw feeling ko gatech class naman ko every now and then. i keep on asking myself why the hell do i keep on getting badly bruised, scarred or wounded. well, the reasons are pretty clear to see. It's because i'm stupid, it's because i'm clumsy, it's because i'm reckless.

I guess i need a real life SIR TANOY (our tech professor).

if having a grip at ones' senses was only as easy as grasping both arms. i admit i don't really have a sound sense of self-control and everyday it seems like i keep falling into cliches that i could easily recognize but would just put a blind eye on.

dalming, permi gakadalman, OA na gni.

perhaps it's because i've always equated being happy with being appreciated. that's probably why i have so much affinity over having that someone who adores me. but i've never really found one yet for those that i've met are just losers with smooth tongues. and then there are those who probably had the best of intentions, who perhaps really felt deeply about me and who could truly love me with every fiber of their being but then i'm really just irrational like so. i get annoyed at those who show too much interest. it irritates me when somebody's too persistent. i know it's senseless, but i don't know, i guess i'm just tailored that way.

But perhaps i need to do something about that soon. maybe so..

quicksand

i wanna cry so hard it will just stop hurting.

i wanna cry so hard my memory will just become a blank slate.

i wanna cry so hard the world will begin to understand my pain.

i wanna cry so hard the night will cease to exist.

i wanna cry so hard nobody will ever leave me.

i wanna cry so hard this skin will peel itself off that it'll offset everything else i'm feeling.

i wanna cry so hard it shall undo the past.

i wanna cry so hard the clouds wouldn't dare cross my path again.

i wanna cry so hard it'll make me and force me to understand.

i wanna cry so hard i'll forever be numb.

i wanna cry so hard i'll never be dumb.

i wanna cry so hard i'll function again.

i wanna cry so hard i'll be setting off to a new dimension where you are but a speck of dust.

i wanna cry so hard i wouldn't know how to cry anymore.

i wanna cry so hard i'd forget why i'm crying.

i wanna cry so hard i would stop breathing,

my heart would stop beating,

brain activity ceasing.

i give up.

at bakit ka nakasmile iha???

kag indi ko gid xa ya mapunggan.. :)

kastupid panumdumon nga tungod lang ni sa isa kaupdate sa facebook. update nga nag-add xa friends. LOL but i don't care about his friends, it's not about that. it's just that he will always be that person who could easily make me feel giddy inside maski mere mention of his name lang na.

i have a long-standing school girl crush on a reviewer we had for our NLE review (reviewer.....review.....duh!). and up until now, when my only connection with him is FB, i still get smitten by the simple thought of him. he's not all that on the looks department, mind you but his charisma weakens my knees and any given day i will agree to marry him sa maski diin nga simbahan (naks, agree lang ya eh.. wala ginbutang nga marry gid ya, ma-agree lang ko anay.. LOL).

people say that he's gay and i almost believed so. but basi di man, because he had a girlfriend a few months back. ok, so now you will probably retaliate nga amu na gni nagbreak sila kay agi siya! indi.. from what i've read, the girl decided on it first. Siya lang nag-implement pero subong seems like their on the process of getting back together. As evidenced by his profile pic nga duwa sila. But still his status says single. (shet, obvious nga chismosa ko nga stalker? hmmm... let me correct that, "chismosa nga admirer" kay hambal sang officemate ko before and difference sang stalker kag admirer is that ginatawag mo nga admirer ang tawo kung kaaya-aya man sya, stalker naman kung chakaness.. o db! gaskyrocket ang self-esteem!)

bottomline: ano man matabo, agi ka man or indi, si mark herras man or si joross gamboa kamukha mo, si C*******e man or ako ang madayunan mo sa ulihi(ambisyon 101!), you will always have a special place in my heart and i will always have a sweet smile for you, my kiko..

(shots, shots, shots, shots! everybody! hahahahahaha!)

camera-camera-camera

I posted a few weeks back about my daydreaming habit. and i just found myself conjuring up a whole new bunch of stories all focusing on a single person. this one's a real person though. i went to college with him, he's a year older and we used to call him mr. library----we first laid eyes on him in our school library. (me and my friend nikki are really good in making up names for people we don't really know, there's mr. pescar, mr. carpenter, fried egg, anime, baby med, and the list goes on. ). so for the benefit of this blog i shall him mr. library still.

I wasn't the one who had a crush on mr. library although i'd have to say he's really appealing, kind of quiet and mysterious actually. anyway! i stumbled on his blog a few days back (hala, obvious aw.. charitess kung kilala mo na.. no names please! haha) i skimmed through it and well, i just found myself thinking about him being my boyfriend. i did so while i was taking a bath, as i was preparing to get out of the house, until i reached don benito and waited for 40 minutes for my shark friend. and every now and then, i still do.

this is humiliating!

i thought about how we would pose for pictures when i'd accompany him on his backpacking journeys (obvious na gid to the next level!) or how i would wait up for him in sm with a pint of ice cream as a welcome treat after a tiring escapade wherever. a lot more pa gid actually pero daw feeling ko kahuluya na gid ni ang ginaubra ko nga pagshare teh tama na ni goro.. hahahah

creative man lng gid ya goro utok ko kag basi mapuslan ko ni kung maging screenwriter na lang ko.

pero subong daydream lang anay kay daw ga-enjoy man ko..

P.S. indi nya man ni mabasahan ang blog nga ni, daku ang pagsalig ko dira.. pero please don't go to the extent nga iinform nyo gid sya noh, maluoy kamu friends..

basi iregret ko ni sa future, pero pwede ko man ni goro macover-up nga compulsive liar lang gid ko ya kag indi ni TUOD! =P

tinorta ang talong..

it's 12:38 AM

so i guess it's quite plain to see that i wasn't able to follow through with my day plan for today. i slept at around 4am yesterday then woke up at 11:30pm though i had my phone on snooze from 8am onwards. technically i woke up early, earlier than usual that is. i didn't drink coffee, i drank soda instead. then as i was browsing through FB, a power outage occur. and so i decided to go out of the house. My only purpose for going out was to get the calea chocolate cake pasalubong of my friend shark and a pick-me-upper footspa. but i ended up consuming gazillion calories along the way. i didn't get a footspa either, i only bought training shoes for myself. crap di na ko maggwa sa blay magasto! went home at around 6 pm, had dinner and was already zzzzz-ing off at around 7pm. hmpf..

and now, i'm awake.. grrrr!

i now have a pair of training shoes with me, so i guess it's enough to actually push me to go back to the gym and start so tomorrow. my friend's expecting me to be there so i guess i really need to wake up early. i've been eating quite a lot lately and now i just want to try to live healthy once again and shed off those pounds.

so tomorrow signals the start of my "pagiging healthy". no more procrastination. i can do this! yesseh! =P

update tomorrow... :)

alalalalalong.. talong talong!

my bioclock's messing with me.

i want to sleep normally nowadays. i'd give anything to be able to sleep at let's say 12 mn then wake up at 8am. not that early for bed but still at least i'm awake by morning. recently, i would always seem to wake up around 1-2 pm then i'd spend the whole afternoon basically doing nothing then come 7pm-ish i would feel really exhausted (from doing nothing) so i'd succumb to a short nap which eventually would turn into a long one and i would just find myself waking up at around 11 pm-12 mn. then the torment of wanting to sleep with the rest of the world (or at the very least with the rest of our household) kicks in as i stare at a glaring monitor and a tv tuned in to food network (natingala pa ko nga 3k gintaas sang bill namun.. lol). and i would even go through several attempts of trying to go to sleep but i would just eventually find myself rolling around my bed over thinking a lot of things or in attempt to distract me from my melancholic thoughts browsing FB through my phone.

crap!

i really just want to have a normal sleep! oh dear..

hmm.. a thought just came to mind. what if i go back to the gym again? at least i would get to force myself to wake up early.. hmmm but i don't really have the patience to do that again. but i really want to start having a better sleeping habit tomorrow on.

i'll devise a day plan.

whatever time i would be able to get to sleep tonight, i will wake up at:

8-9: dose of coffee and FB

9-11: exercise ( i need to find those instructional dvds for my cardio)

11-12: prepare to go out of the house (yes, i need to get of out of the house because if i just stay in, chances are i would just sleep again)

12-6: wherever my feet would take me!

7: dinner at home

8-12: must resist sleeping.. FB again or TV..

hope this will work.. update tomorrow.. carrybels!

i never heard what you said, but i knew what you meant..

i remember somebody indirectly told me before that i was just a habit. i don't know why it never bothered me that much before. probably because i repressed it. and it just surfacing back again now, only scratched the scar open once again.

i actually even remember a lot more painful labels, but why didn't they ever matter to me then? maybe because i was never one to handle negativity. that i always refused to see them. and that i only focused on the things that i wanted to believe because you meant so much to me. FU!

so all these things that i've repressed, i'm going to remember them all tonight. and tomorrow everything will be over. tomorrow i'll be walking away.

papaliguan kita ng halik at luha araw-araw beybe

i was going through my profile pics a while ago. damu damu na gali. first one was uploaded on june 8, 2008, and since then i've uploaded 69 more bringing it to a total of 70 profile pictures! congratulations!

interesting cause i actually found myself sorting out those pictures into happy and sad. don't know which bin contained more pictures when i was done. i'm betting on sad. habit ko na na nga gapost ko pics to cover up for something tragic (for lack of a better word).

when john was still here in iloilo kag sya toh ang permi ko nabutong whenever i'd feel depressed, didto lang ko naging fully aware sa habit ko nga post-post-post nga daw masadya para mapakita mo sa THE TAWO nga you're fine without him/her. apparently common habit na na sang kadalam-an. ikaw? have you ever tried that? u post happy songs, status updates nga "having a great time with my gals!" or kuha damudamu nga pics when you're out with friends tas upload daun cause you want to shove it in THE TAWO's face nga "hey lookie, i'm doing great without you!"

used to do that a lot. and it felt like twas a stupid series of balusanay sang happy posts. and then i realized that with that though you get a moment of bliss, it doesn't last. and abruptly it ends.

seems like i've tried everything though, once upon a time i just threw all my pretentions out the window and started to speak bout what i really felt. ambot, probably in a few months i'd get to say that it helped. that it was part of the process but one things for sure after i just felt like shit even more. i don't what happened since then, i guess i just stuck it out with whatever it was that was there because i didn't really have a choice, did i? and now i'm here sa daw seemingly crossroad. seemingly kay di man ko kabalo kung nu napilian ko. teh kung ara ang duwa ka dalan dapat gid mag-agi da haw?? indi pwede magtiid-tiid sa ground in between anay while di ka pa kabalo? pwede man na da gro agyan. pwede man ako na lang masemento sang dalan nga na. aba, rich ka ne? mangsemento ka pa ya. bongga ang spare time?

eeeh ano gani point ko ah? anyway pwede ko gro maglakat2 sa tunga sang duwa ka dalan kag magkeber na lang sa world para malipat sang tanan kag pabay-an ko na lang ang mga tiil ko nga mgdala sakon pakadto sa kung diin man ga dalan.

basta galakat ah.. anywhere but here..

and to keep walking (away), i must learn to be numb and stay numb..

over over kaayu

over-thinking, over-analyzing mode

when your sea was of sadness, i was the one who taught you how to swim. but when i was the one who was almost drowning amongst the waves, you stood on the shore, back turned on me.

and you were dry, you were dry..

and so i had to pull myself back to safety. had to do it on my own. and though i tripped at every step as i reached the shore, i had to keep going. for i knew that the longer i stayed, the more unrecognizable those pieces to which i have allowed myself to turn into would be.

and now, though people say that i stand in a safer ground, i'm doing so in weak knees. soul still in pieces and soaked in my own tears. and those three words that others keep on telling me you're not worthy of are still circling my head. inside i'm shouting them out loud, but they only leave my mouth as curses.

not alone

it's a slap on his face, and i'm so sorry because i keep on hurting him though he's the one who opted to stay at my worst.

thank you for holding these hands, they're all i could give now because my heart's still out there. still finding it's way back. For doing what i could not, believing that i'll have it back and it shall reach you, thank you. thank you. thank you. i wish i could say so much more to you.

is crying is me..

tamadness..

i added "...to be continued.." to my last post because i was thinking i would be posting another blog, a part 2. there's just so much more to write. but natamad na ko. whe! :/

cheeeeesyness

tsk.. indi ko feel magdrama. last night as i was writing my post, tears just kept falling. echosera lang gid ko ya goro kay feel na feel ko gd. kag things actually begin to take on a new form once you actually write it down and understand them for what they really were or how you really felt then.

i am an emotional person. i cry a lot. from silent sobs to i-don't-care-who's-around-hindi ko-na-ni-mapunggan waras, carry ko na tanan.

i've observed nga lain-lain ang ways sang paghibi ko on different circumstances.. have you ever experienced being in so much emotional pain nga gahambal ka na nga "indi na ko, indi na gid ko. please take all this pain away?" tas galuhod, gatulok sa babaw, hands together in prayer. that happened to me twice. different people, different circumstances. looking back, i don't even know how i got through whatever it was i went through. back then it just seemed so painful nga daw ikamatay ko nah. sobra-sobra kasakit. may mga bagay nga until now, they still hurt but not to the point nga daw mabuka na heart mo. (mabuka heart---o db, grade 6 ka ne??? lol) indi ko maiksplikar (padalumdalum tinaga ah! lol) kung ano sya kasakit basta ang bal-an ko lang indi ko na xa gusto maagyan. manami magpalangga, pero di nami magcrash and burn (yesseh, eng-long! english-ilonggo!)

you're the sunshine after the rain (98 degrees)

ako ang type sang tawo nga nakulbaan makabatyag sakit. gaavoid magbatyag. so everything that would only remind me, nah-da na paghilabtan. there was a time when i avoided watching romantic films and invested on my stash of comedy films. indi ko magbond sa mga friends ko kung malantaw man lang sila drama, indi na dhai. but stupid of me to assume that romantic on romantic comedies didn't come on caps lock. i watched valentine's day, tas mga 3/4 sang movie i was crying really hard while others were laughing. the movie ended with me sobbing, dala singok2 until matapos ang credits. patalaw-an, i'm sure other people sa moviehouse noticed too, kagahod ba naman sakon maghibi pero i didn't care. indi ko ya bi mapunggan? i went to work and hyperventilated as my shift was about to start.. bonggang drama!! weenur!

though it was of a different circumstance, it happened to me again last night, i was sobbing really hard but was careful enough not to awaken my sister. i didn't know it months ago nor did i knew it yesterday, but those 2 episodes had been my catharsis. it starts with a really agonizing emotional breakdown but soon after that you will have one last cry that will finally cleanse you of everything that used to be painful and/or lethal. (chos!)

every scar will soon heal, give it time. allow yourself to grieve. you have to feel the pain, to get through it. there's just no other way around. soon there'll be that one final tear. don't deprive yourself of that wonderful feeling of your soul finally letting go.

but kung ako ya, ang moral of the story gid is indi ka na lang magpa-scar dhai! para wala sakit or grieving process eklavu.. dah ba? kaon ka na lang, pareho lang na nga may endorphins..

agree?

tama!

vedyoke

And sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much, and I have to close my eyes and hide..

when you held me and kissed my cheeks, i felt like the rest of the world no longer mattered. like i could just be in that moment forever. i wasn't doing it because i wanted to. i did it because being with you was all that i needed. all that i needed.

now i'm bluer than blue.. sadder than sad..

while we were walking alone in the dark, and you held your hand out for me, gently you placed your hands on my waist. i've never felt more secure.

i'll make love to you like you want me to.. and i'll hold you tight.. darling all through the night..

when you pressed both hands against my cheeks, sitting there in front of me just silently looking at me, i wanted to believe you wanted me as much as i wanted you. but my head was telling me you want so much more. that which no matter how i try i could never give you.

and i'm missing you and nobody knows it but me.

when i was resting against your arms and chest, and you encircled me with both arms, i wished knowing how you truly felt was as simple as clasping your chest nearer such that i heard and mimicked your every breath and heart beat. i wanted to believe your heart beat for me as much as i know that my only reason for breathing is you.

although we've come to the end of the road, still i can't let go.

and though i seemed not to care for even a slight bit at every word those melodies brought forth, i understood each and every one of them. deciphered them probably for far more than what they're worth. and i wanted to believe them. oh, how i prayed you really meant them.

how can i be strong.. i've asked myself.. time and time i've said that i'll never fall in love with you again.

when i was trying to be strong cause everybody was scared, you called my name and even without holding me close, that simple look in your face made me feel that it was okay to be afraid cause you were there and you were going to take care of me. i wanted to hold your hands badly. i wanted the world to be blind even for just a minute so that i could hold you close because i think i saw something. i think i saw you finally loving me.

have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?

as you were resting your head on my lap and i was playfully stroking your hair, it was plain for everyone to see that you meant so much more to me. and though i wondered about their thoughts, yours mattered more. your voice placed on mute everything else even my own. if only you truly spoke to me.

if i never feel you in my arms again.. if i never feel your tender kiss again.. if i never hear i love you now and then will i never make love to you once again?

when you playfully trace the outline of my body. oh how they send chills down my spine. and i wanted not to care about everything else. but i didn't want to blow it all for you. as much as what i thought could make you happy hurt me, i gave way. not because i was allowing you to step on my heart but because i wanted you to prove to me that you won't. that you might just want to start anew with me.

...to be continued..

isang araw lang mehn

i quit my job, found myself a boyfriend, and bought myself a ticket for an asian cruise.

phew!

quiting my job.

i left callbox on june 5, 2010. i quit my job as a korean tutor on july 6, 2010 after mere 10 hours of work spanning almost 4 weeks. i considered working as a tutor because i was dying to have something use up my time. i'd have to admit i wasn't ready to leave callbox and i knew the day that i solidified my decision to leave the company that i might die of depression and boredom due to inactivity. i had a very... ehrm.. active life (sorry wla na ko mapanumdum nga iban nga tinaga.. lol) while i was working and i just didn't know how i would respond to things slowing down. or how i would distract myself from thinking about those i have left, given up on and am trying to forget. and so i did, stint as a tutor fell into place while zest for going on volunteer duty was compromised. basi single-focus type of person man lang gid ko ya. or basi man tamad lng gid man ko. nagmonthsary na ko sa paghalin sa callbox and wala gyapon gauswag pagvolunteer ko. well somehow nagpanic ko. pero naglast lang sya for 5minutes. and well needless to say nagdecide to stop all this diversion shit and go head-on sa primary goals ko which is to conquer the universe! i mean go on volunteer duty gali. poor na kung poor, bahala na si mama kag si papa.

"in a relationship"

most of you are probably wondering, ano ni karme???? well, in a week you'll know.. lol

hello??? read through my previous posts. what do you think? dehr?

asian cruise

yes yes yes yes! dugay ko na ni napanumdum nga i should do something on my own before proceeding with my career. subong lang ko nagkaguts. i've been saving ang money nga ginhatag dai papa when i graduated. wanting to spend it on something that i will truly remember for the rest of my life. there were a lot of times nga natempt ko gastuhon xa but mayo lang i still have a bit of self-control in me. and so i finally bought that single ticket. quite surprised that i still have a lot left as pocket money. i was supposed to set sail 2 weeks from now, july 24. i was surfing the net trying to get more info on the countries i will visit when i received a text from the travel firm apologizing for they had my papers mixed up on a different tour and so they asked permission if i could join the tour next week instead. and as an apology they transferred me to first class. of course i acted all upset but whoah first class! and i'm a jobless junkie. hello? and so i finally agreed with them and was about the end the call (they eventually called me on my cp 'cause i didn't respond trying to act all upset) when i was abruptly awoken by my alarm clock, realizing it was all just a dream. kag brownout pa!

makatimpla na nga ng kape.. :/

sometimes, paminsan-minsan, kis-a..

kis-a we get to meet people who inspire us that one day we will eventually meet that person whom we will love and adore because of everything he is. not despite of what he's not but because he is what he's not. i've met a lot of people in my life. probably you've met more but who's counting? some of them i've foolishly adored. i have a very vivid imagination mind you. and i go to into episodes of trance more often than i'd like to admit. and during these moments i envision many embarrassing whatnots. i have had a lot of imaginary boyfriends, so you're not alone charitess barrios and jv briones. i could enumerate them right here, right now. but no, i will not. it would be a shame to those whom i have long forgotten. more so, the biggest reason is that i don't want to add insult to injury, just admitting i have once upon a time dissected them in one of my dreams is already far too humiliating.

they are mostly strangers, acquaintances or people that have been only introduced once. i act all keber in front of them. but then i would often find myself in a solitary corner afterwards and have kemperlu-sorts of fairytale stories with that stranger circling in my mind. it's involuntary.. like breathing..

and then i have these characters i just invented out of thin air. i've had a fresh grad volunteer boyfriend and a physician husband to mention a few. but not in the same daydream. i am a faithful person even in my own stripped-down thoughts. *cough* bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan guilty. and they're not all perfect as what dreams ought to be. they're twisted, real-life twisted. and even in my daydreams i go through problems. so from here on when i'm in such an awful mood and it seems as though nothing frustrating has really happened in this tangible earth, you're free to assume that maybe i've just had a fight with my physician husband. and that i'm already thinking of divorce.

some people feel embarrassed when they say they've never had a boyfriend since birth. NBSB. well, i'm not.. kay indi man ko ya NBSB.. duh? pati ah, being in a relationship teaches you a lot of things such as giving unconditionally(and then eventually realizing that you shouldn't), 1 week is too short-a-time to get attached and knowing the difference between estyufid excuses ( i.e. that picture doesn't mean anything.. we were just making a funny video.. *nobody's laughing*) and gasgas estyufid excuses (i.e. we're just friends.. *best in originality*) because giving an excuse is just plain unexcusable. It also broadens your kitid utok that maybe murder is not so wrong after all, it could be a form of self defense against emotional battery. no, i didn't do it.

but yes though you learn a lot of things, you also subject yourself to a lot more. there are those that allow personal growth but most of them are just plain nonsense. and people just sugarcoat them as "valuable experiences" to make up for their sorry egos because after all emotions were involved and there could be no greater investment than that. sin-o ba naman ang maadmit nga nag-invest sila sa isa ka bagay kag ang nakuha lng nila was a vault full of flatus! so mayo pa ang mga nbsb.. mayo pa..

aba bitter-bitteran much?! hahah! no ah, it's just the sorry truth..

funny and direction sang pagdrift sakon thoughts.. well anyway i'm not saying that LOVE is just a myth. it exists! (hoooray!) but you have to dig through mounds and mounds of bull crap before you finally find it..

well then good luck digging! :)

ang damgu.. bow..

♫♪dreams dreams of when we've only started things♪♫

a few nights ago i had a dream of my teeth falling out.. yes teeth.. it was weird cause i was in a building and there were many people bustling about tas when i looked at the mirror, i had really big teeth graciously spaced out sa gums ko.. tas they were almost falling out but were only held together by my braces kag a few teeth nga anchored pa sa gums ko.. no one seemed to notice, so i pulled out my braces and two teeth came with it.. i walked around the building and stopped at anything that showed my reflection and even marveled at how i looked without my braces on. i don't know how the dream ended but i woke up thinking nga maski ang subconsciousness ko bored na bored na kag ginaentertain nya na lng self nya..

teeth falling out apparently could mean a lot of things..

it could be that you're getting too worried about your appearance kuno.. hmm.. not me, at least not lately..

para sa mga greko man kuno (greko pa.. ubra-ubra term? greek bla..) it means that a loved one is severely ill or is nearing death.. oh please no... :(

and para sa mga chinese (ari mas lapit, one pumpboat ride away) it's a sign daw nga may paabot nga money.. i wonder ngaa kung chinese puro na lang kwarta..

and para sa mga dentist, it means that you should soon see one!

huo noh, maybe sign na ni nga ivist ko naman dentist ko.. paadjust naman ko.. daw sobra na 21 days gli since last ko nga visit.. haaayst amu mn lang ni gli..

powered by a cup of echuserang kape!

How do we move on?

naks! ang lalim ija! tama! teh ngaa mamove on ka aw? what're you running away from? nah, it's just a song.. ha? ano kuno? amo man lang na ang usual excuse.. hahaha! okay now you know how gamu my utok is.. omg, this is soooo conyo... lol

anyway!

okay, on to another topic..

relationships.commitments.and the boxes of kleenex and buckets of beer in between.

alin alin alin ang naiba?? pick out the wrong word or group of words! hmmmm... time's up!

wrong lang ang boxes of kleenex.. kay watsons facial wipes lang nagamit ko and wala xa nakabox!!! aba galit ka te??

how could you say you feel for a person?

when you're always there despite the fact nga bal-an mo pwede ka buy-an anytime?aaaaaaaaaahhh, bog!

when you try to leave and then find yourself pounding into your subconsciousness nga present man or absent, it still effin hurts! teh presence na lng gali tani! hule crepe!

when you say he/she is behind you yet you pattern your everyday routine sa iya daily kachuvahan kay tingtinging(!!!) memorize mo iya daily kachuvahan!

kung nagbululungol imu tonsils kay nagsinggit out loud imo larynx "tama!" to all three aforementioned scenarios then panago ka na sa banga! *nagsulod sa banga, "ui ari ka man d.." hehe*

attachment vs love

round 1!

ang attachment gakaabtan sang tingtingting! time's up.. kis-a may gakaknock out lang.. may gatap-out.. or gaend lang.. and usually may uzizeras y uzizeros nga mahatag sang decision.. and our new pound for pound champion is......! aba may belt haw? judas belt? whata!

teh ang love ya bi? yadiyadiyada! ah basta gets nyo na na.. syempre ang opposite.. kamu na lang comprehend.. kacornyness iexplain.. dehr...

sheesh!

what am i trying to say??

it's not a simple case of boy meets girl..

it's a boy meets girl, screws her up and inches his way out type of story..

ang hirap pala noh? (aba at bakit ka nagtaetaegaelog?) budlai gali noh (at nag-ilonggo na!) magstruggle between protecting your heart and being happy or partaking even just a tiny bit of that so called euphoria of having your heart beat for that one person whom you could truly love.. you pretend as if you're not giving yourself away yet you know nothing's left na gid of you.. you act as if you're on top of things yet it's plain to see nga indi ka na katindog cause it's your heart they're stepping on.. and then it ends.. vanishes like bubbles and you begin to wonder, if it was really there in the first place..

and then days will pass, and slowly you will realize nga naghampang lang xa gali..

wow pare, ang lalim dude! high ka ba? anong brand ng katol na tinira moh? san mo binili? meron ba nyan sa munsterrific?